the magical coffee
by i.am.random
Summary: Ed gets hooked on coffee.Ed finds magic carpet.Ed doesnt sleep because of coffee.Roy ends up getting burnd.  Ok so this is an attempted crack fic, and my first one. k


Why hello there (tips imaginary hat while sipping a cup of tea)

So heres my first crack fic…im kinda new at this so I apologize if its crap…and you know how to make it better? IF I GET REVIEWS I'LL GET BETTER ;P

Sooo you know what to do.

Later,

Ami

Roys POV

Edward has been acting strangely. I think something may have happened, I'll ask him next time I see him. The reason I think something may have happened is because last time I saw him he was SMILING…even though he was in my office and he 'hates me'. He also was really eager to get out….but that's nothing new.

Eds POV

'I CAN'T BELIVE THIS HAPPENED TO ME!' Ed thought happily when he went on the magic carpet. This is this is the best thing that ever happened me. One day I get free coffee the next I find a magic carpet! I LOVE drinking coffee on my magic carpet. So far I've had 100 cups of coffee in 2 days and with those 2 days I haven' t had any sleep. I FEAL GREAT!

Well now the Colonel Bastard wants to see me so I guess I have to go. I think I'll walk there. I don't want to be stared at because I'm flying.

Roys POV

So I called Edward and told him I wanted to talk to him…I hope he comes. And in a few seconds the door will slam open-BAM!-and then shut-WACK!-….right on cue.

And once again Edward had a big smile and was slightly shaking….wait shaking?

"Soooo…..you wanted to see me?" Edward asked.

"Yes I do. You've been really weird….did anything happen? And…why are you shaking?"

"…Umm…no….I don't think anything happened. I'm shaking? Oh yeah, I'm shaking 'cuz I like caffeine….DUH" I looked at him with a confused looked on my face, and then Edward burst out laughing.

Once again I just stared at him while he was laughing. After a few minutes of laughing he started crying not bothering wiping the tears away. Then after that he started whimpering clutching his stomach and between his laughs he was whimpering "Help *laugh laugh* me *laugh laugh laugh* can't *laugh* breathe*laugh*"

I sighed, got out of my chair ,walked over to him, and kicked his side (since he was on the ground it was pretty easy). He groaned and rolled on his side still giggling…so I decided to kick him again…but harder. It was pretty fun kicking him, some times he just makes me so mad.

Ed POV

My side hurt like hell! Why did he have to kick me so hard?

"uggg…why you do that?"

"Because you told me to. Fullmetal. That's why"

"But did u have to do it so hard?"

"Well you said to help you….and I helped you"

"Smart ass" I mumbled

And then he started asking me questions like "Are you on something?" or "What the hell happened?" and other crap like that. I guess I don't have a choice…I'm gonna have to tell him about the magic carpet, oh and the coffee.

"Ok Bastard look, I found a magic coffee"

"You found a magic _coffee_?"

"….Wah?…..why are we talking about magical coffees?"

" *sigh* Edward…WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Ummm…well I got a free coffee and got hooked then found a magic carpet, like the

one in 'Aladin'…except I don't have a genie."

And his face was priceless it the was a mix of 'hell is he talking about?' and 'I don't get it'.

Then he asked " How much coffee have you drunk? When was the last time you slept? And did you have to them all in 1 day or in a week?"

"Ummmmmmm…100 or 200 cups…um I had them in 2 days and last time I slept was 2 days ago…why ?". He rolled his eyes and called for Riza Hawkeye. She walked in the room and said "Yes sir?"

"He has drunken 100 or 200 cups of coffee and found a 'magic carpet'. The last time he slept was 2 days ago…" He walked closer to her and whispered " Can you deal with him? When ever I say anything he acts like a 2 year old….PLEASE?" She sighed and walked closer to me and said " Either you stop drinking coffee by your self, or I'll make you stop and make you go to sleep." She said with a sickenly sweet voice and a fake smile. She scared the crap out of me because she had her hand on her gun.

Roys POV

Riza can work wonders. But the only problem is that he keeps saying that he _did_find a magic carpet and that he'll prove it. I have to admit I'm worried about him…right now he's scaring me a little, with all the laughing and stuff. I think he's delusional because he drank all that coffee and hasn't slept in a while. So I said "Edward, you are probably delusional because of all the coffee and hasn't slept in a while. Once you stop drinking coffee and get some sleep you'll see that there is no magic carpet." I said. Then the yelling and screaming started.

"I'M TELLING THE TRUTH YOU BASTARD!WHY WON'T YOU BELIVE ME?"

"Because you are a stupid and delusional kid who drank to much coffee. That's why."

"BELIVEVE ME BASTARD! I'LL SHOW YOU THAT MAGIC CARPETS ARE REAL! I'LL SHOW THE WORLD!" Why was he acting like a 2 year old? I sighed and walked over to Riza and said, "You see? When ever I say anything, he acts like a 2 year old! Do I say that if he can show me the 'magic carpet' then I'll believe him?" And she said that she think's that would be a good idea so I walked over to the frowning Edward and said "Ok Fullmetal, if you can show me the magic carpet I'll believe you. But until then I won't. Ok?"

He said "Fine I'll show you. Follow me."

Eds POV

He followed me into the alley were I was keeping the magic carpet. I put it behind a garbage can so people wouldn't see it. I walked over to the garbage can where I put it and grabbed the carpet behind it and showed it to the bastard who didn't believe me. "There you see? Here's the damn magic carpet you wanted to see so bad. Now do you believe me?" I asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because your just showing me a carpet. I don't know if it really fly's" I groaned and put the carpet on the ground and turned my head to see if any one was there, but there wasn't so I guess I'll show him now. I sat down on the carpet with my coffee(I bought it on the way to the alley) and waited. It usually took awhile until it started flying. Then the bastard smiled and said " So is this the 'almighty' flying carpet? It's just sitting there. When will it start flying?" he asked with his 'I-was-so-right' smirk. I groaned and said

"Just wait a few more seconds and it will start flying ….any second now…." but it didn't start! WHY WON'T IT START? The bastard started chuckling when I started freaking out trying to figure out why it won't start flying. Then he turned around and started walking away.

Roy POV

I found it so funny when Edward started freaking out. I'm still worried though. I'm not sure if I can make him sleep and get him to get of coffee. So right now I'm walking back to my office to get some of that god-forsaken paper work done.

Ed POV

I found out why the carpet wouldn't fly. I needed to spill some coffee on it…I guess it like coffee too. So I decided to fly to the bastards office and rub it in his face but flying into his office and making him scream like a little girl. Ha, that's a funny mental image. Anyway I'm on my way to his office, on my magic carpet of course. Ok, good. His window is open, so that makes it a whole lot easier. So right now I'm slowly flying into his office. What I'm planning on doing is poring my remaining coffee on his head and yelling in his ear 'MWAHAHAHAHA!THERES NO MILK IN THERE!'. And hopefully, he'll scream. I wonder what Al would do if he found out I did this….I think he'd either laugh or get mad. Oh well, I'll worry about that later. Right now, I have a bastard to burn.`

Roys POV

'_Man, this is soo boring.'_ I thought. It was a warm summer day so I had the window in my office open and I felt a slight gush of wind. I was happy because I was getting really hot. Then I felt this really hot liquid dump on my head then some one screamed "MWAHAHAHAHA!THERES NO MILK IN THERE!" in my ear. And I jumped up turned around and burnt what ever was there with my awesome white gloves. Then I put the pieces together 'hot liquid' 'no milk'….OH CRAP IT WAS ED! And I notices he was laying uncontius with burn marks all over…and then I noticed the 'magic carpet. I yelled for Riza carefully picking up Ed and rushing out the door into the main office where Riza, Havoc, Breda, Fallman, and Feury were. 'Crap…am I in trouble' I thought. Riza's eyes widend when she saw Ed…along with every one else. She walked up to me and asked " SIR, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?". And I told her a mumbled version of what happened. She sighed and shook her head and said "Havoc, get the car. Feury, phone the hospital. Breda, get some bandages. Fallman, get some soft towels. GO!" and every one ran in different directions.

Ed POV

My hole body hurt. 'What happened?' I thought. And then I remembered. Now I hate that bastard even more! Ha, am I gonna get him in trouble. I'm gonna change the story and make it so that I'm a sweet, innocent kid who did nothing wrong. I wonder what the guys and Riza would do. I decided to open my eyes to see how badly burnt I was. And what I saw, shocked me. THE BASTARD WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME! My eyes widened even more when I saw that he was asleep…he must have been here for a while. I looked around to see if I could find the others, but of course I didn't. I slowly moved my flesh hand over to my auto mail hand and quietly clapped my hand and made my hand into my famous knife and gently poked his neck with it to wake him up. He woke up and his eyes widened when he saw the knife by his throat and put his hands up. I laughed and he looked at me and asked "You ok?"

"No I'm not ok. I just got burned by you, bastard. Why would I be ok?" I asked.

"…because your Edward Elric, The Fullmetal Alchamist?"

"Soooo? I _am_ just a 15 year old guy….I'm not invincible or anything.". He looked guilty and looked at the ground and said, "…Yeah…about that….sorry.". And as he said that he looked back up and looked me in the eye and said "You gonna be ok?". I looked at him in shock. Did he just say he was sorry?…cuz I think he did. I answered, "Yeah…I'm gonna be fine." I looked at my body and said "I've been through worse."

"Good. Because as soon as you heal up, you have to go on another assignment."

"Of couse, I don't get any free time."

**THE END **

**Soooooo….watcha think?**

**Cuz I wrote this at like 2 in the morning….so don't blame me if it's total crap…'kay?**

**So R&R :D**


End file.
